he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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