Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
