Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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