True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
