handjob tips. give me some.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
