Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
