I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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