we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fuck appropriateness.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
