he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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