You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
