where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
God, you're like boner-b-gone
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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