The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
