he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize