I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
