his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
