i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
