she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
