I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can I color on your dick again?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
