Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
