I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
