She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
