we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
