i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
