the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
