guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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