i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
