he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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