Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize