You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
