This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
