Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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