mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize