Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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