look no pants
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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