where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
