Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
