im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
