From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
