Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
