How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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