Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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