while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
