I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
