I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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