her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
