I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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