i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
