Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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