i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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