my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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