K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What a dumb baby whore.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize