She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
