then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
