You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
