What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
