Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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