Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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