I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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