Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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