I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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