I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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