I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
