I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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