I have demons in me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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