Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
this is an emotional support booty call
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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