This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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