Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
