I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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