who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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