I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
