never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
