i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
