i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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