Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
