I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
