I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Someone signed my nipple.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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