He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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