did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to calm my uterus...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
