Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
